We have tried rewards and a star chart, none working. Its getting harder not to just tell her off as the wet pants and endless wet furniture and floor begins to smell. She will just stay in her wet pants ,she used to change herself. And she will only poo in her night nappy, she says i'm doing poos, and i try to get her to go toilet but refuses and holds on? is this behavioural?? We have a new baby but she started wetting before he was born. Help! my patience is getting thin....
Hi C.W., This certainly sounds behavioural and most likely in response to the birth of her baby brother. It is not unusual for children to regress in their development at times of stress; the impending arrival of a new sibling is a key stressor in the lives of many young children. Some children experience a regression in their speech; others will start sucking their thumb again while some like your daughter return to daytime wetting. While most children are happy about the new baby and look forward to its arrival, there is also an element of stress mixed with the excitement. Sometimes children fear that their parents will have less time for them or will love them less. Take the time to talk with her reassuring her that she is still very special and although the baby may take-up lots of your time you still love her as much as always. Include her as much as possible in the care of her baby brother so that she feels involved. Set aside special ‘mummy and me’ time, when she does not have to share you with her baby brother. Help her to re-identify the cues that she needs to look out for which tell her when she needs to go to the toilet. I would leave the rewards at the moment as this may place additional pressure on her to ‘perform’ and may only compound the stress she is already experiencing. With respect to her bowel movements, it is not particularly unusual for children to experience difficulties doing poos in the toilet. Sometimes it is a result of chronic constipation – whereby children experience significant pain when passing a stool. Constipation can also contribute to daytime wetting so it is important to rule this out. Withholding stools can also be an issue of control. If you think this may be the case I would let it go for a couple of weeks so it is no longer an issue between the two of you, then begin the toilet training process again. Perhaps you could suggest to her that she chooses what reward system she would like to use so that she feels more in control of the process. If she continues to experience frequent daytime accidents, or her urine develops a particularly strong odour then you need to have her checked by your GP.
Regards,
Dr Cathrine
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